Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
bring money and cleavage
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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