I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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