ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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