O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
