I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
