When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
