Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
