i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
