Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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