i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
