Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
