so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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