Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
