I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
