Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
