i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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