the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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