I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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