He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
