I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk is not a location!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
