Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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