I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
