I need to stop coming to work sober
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
