im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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