margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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