dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
