Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
