I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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