We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
