I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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