look no pants
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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