all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
