Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
