I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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