in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
