This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
