im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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