Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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