I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
