I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
