call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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