never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
