11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
