If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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