You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
