i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
