I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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