I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
