ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
