Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
